We were going to be on REALITY TV!!
In just over 13 hours everything was set for 4 days of filming right here in our house. We were going to make our reality TV debut on a Dstv channel family swap show. We didn't find them, they found us. We were quite taken a back that we were approached and that a production company thought our little family would be interesting enough for a show.
We were already contacted 2 months ago and we first said no. We had a family meeting and surprisingly all 3 girls were really keen (albeit they would have to speak Afrikaans 60% of the time). So we asked the director and producers millions of questions and finally signed on. We mentally prepared ourselves for the this, more so myself and Lex, the 2 who don't do well with the unknown. But we signed up for it all and we were all ready, anxious and set to go.
There were so many calls, emails, preparations and plans. My poor INFJ personality was in a state of shock with all the talking over phones to strangers. I mean serious prep!!! And then Covid struck a day before filming was to commence. Not us, but the filming crew that were supposed to be with us. We truly trust that they will all be in good health soon.
A side affect of being me is that I always need a deep reason in life to do anything and I didn't see anything deep wrt to the show at the time. P.s to Weez, lighten up child - adventure has a meaning.
Chatting as a family, we realised we are bored of the covid mundane and we all needed some adventure. You see, we have really really locked down the past 18 months. Really really! Our budget also doesn't always allow to do so much outside our home. We do everything in our power to do fun things.
But unknown adventure was missing. So adventure was why we signed up for the show and then we got excited about meeting a family of strangers. Obvious exposure for TKR and The Grace Factory was a real bonus too. Another bonus would be a small cash out that would afford us a lovely holiday by the sea.
The top part is actually all irrelevant (thanks for reading this far), but what is noteworthy is the great disappointment we experienced when we heard about the cancellation. We agree and understand 100% that everyone's safety is the first priority. So we not upset about the cancellation in any way. But we have all been feeling deep disappointment the past 24 hours. Like real, deep disappointment. This calls for some introspection. Disappointment is normal. It's just the action of our brains readjusting itself to reality after we discovered things aren't the way we thought it would be. I get that,
But......
Another hazard of being me, I like finding the root of everything. After chatting to our girls and going for two 5km walks we realized there was this very big word lingering in our souls;
V A L I D A T I O N !
Everyone needs validation—to feel accepted and understood. However, we can’t always get validation from others or a show - this is our moment of realisation.
We have all been struggling a little with our personal relationships outside our home. This year hasn't been great, emotionally it feels worse than 2020. We have covid fatigue. It has left us with a sense of being muted or unseen. It's left us lonely. It feels like we have navigated a few disappointments along the way to. Disappointment is such an integral part of real life, but this mamma is tired of always going high when things go low.
We didn't know we were seeking validation and maybe subconsciously the fact that we were asked to be a part of the show made us feel seen? Go ahead and "pyschologise" us.
The lack of support from people we know wrt our new startup hit our validation tank. We are all such fierce supporters of others. Man even if I had a life threatening allergy to peanuts, I would buy a pack from a friend selling them just to support. We needed people to show up for us in our venture as our human hearts are so fully vested TKR. I will take the bullets for anyone I love and this time I couldn't for our girls. I can't shield them this time, no matter how hard I have tried. They ask questions where I don't have nice answers too. It just feels good to be praised, to have your work affirmed, to be told you did a good job, and your work to be appreciated. All really normal.
August 2021 it would be 4 years that we "left" church and I don't care what those in church say, you really do get excommunicated. Not verbally, but who you are diminishes. I know, I have been on that side of church. I am now on the other side. So glad we have experienced this side now as it has taught us so many deep lessons on being inclusive. I don't want to be in a community where we all have to be alike to be accepted. Never ever again! Our wisdom and the love we have for others (that all young people searched us out for) is still there. We just don't feel the need for that love to worked out institutionally anymore. We are not blinded or wayward. Unfortunately, we just do not believe anymore that one religion holds the monopoly on wisdom, We just don't. I get that as humans we need to determine who are the goodies and who are the baddies, but does there really need to be a winner? So if that diminishes who we are, so be it. But it's another validation to navigate.
Early this afternoon I realized that subconsciously our hearts believed this show was going to validate who we are again as individuals and as a family to people who don't know us. And re-validate us to those who have diminished us. Because in true Van style we were going to love hard on the other family. But now the show won't be happening. Now what? Oh SHIT!! Houston we have a problem.
After our walk I realized that no 1 human, no 1 religion and no 1 show holds the magic juju to validate our worth or who we are. The purpose of the no show, show has highlighted an area we need to focus on again and that is to continually walk confidently to the beat of our off beat personalities. We can’t rely on others to make us feel good. When we do, we allow others to dictate our worth. And we don’t trust our own thoughts, feelings, and judgments; we assume others know more than we do and their opinions matter more. We need to stop giving so much power to others. REALLY VANS!! You are farking fantastic.
We have chosen an offbeat journey and we just need to be confident in that again. We need to guide ourselves back to our internal point of validation
So from here on out we are intentionally
- Encouraging ourselves
- Acknowledging our strengths and efforts
- Noticing and accepting our feelings
- Prioritizing our needs
- Treating ourselves with kindness
- Saying nice things to ourselves
- Accepting our limitations or mistakes
You did serve a deeper purpose after all.
And lastly here is some shameless exposure to www.thekindnessrevolution.co.za
GO SUPPORT THEM - THEY ARE FRIGGING FANTASTIC!!
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