I can roar!!

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Okay, so I have been a mother for 8 months and 8 days today, it has been an absolute life change, but it really has not been as hard as i thought it would be or as other mothers have made it out to be. I have seemed to flourish, and feel bad for finding it "this easy".

However, one area it has given me a big knock in, is that of myself. I have gone through an identity crisis, and feel that i need to find out who i am................ again!!

A series of unfortunate events and comments have at times left me very insecure, very angry, very stupid and very confused.

Because i am highly driven and competitive, it almost feels as though i have failed the world, failed my organisation and failed myself.

It felt as though i have lost!!!

I am an avid Grey's Anatomy watcher (note to reader. do not get your relationship tips from Grey's). So i was watching Season 4, where all the interns are now Resident doctors, in one episode, Meredith, Izzie, Cristina and Alex are competing against one another, to see who is the best Resident doctor. It worked on a point system that was pre-determined before hand.

Anyways to cut a long story short Izzie really wanted to win and she didn't. She felt like a failure and Chief Webber made this profound statement to her: "Just because you didn't win, doesn't mean you don't know how to roar."

I got so emotional about this statement because it hit me deep in my spirit. That is exactly what i needed to hear. I work in an organisation with exceptionally gifted and talented ppl. They are all doing their Masters and are pretty much excelling at it, they are leading their departments to greater heights. I on the other hand am not studying, have just become a new mom and don't know how to take my department forward. People look at me with all these questions and i look back at them with a blank stare; because i just don't have the answers. So i pretty much feel like a failure 24/7, not because they make me feel like one, they are all great people.

It seems as though my roar has been silenced, but i know deep down inside of me the roar is starting to wake up. I hear it silently in my spirit.

JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T WIN, DOESN'T MEAN I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO ROAR!!!

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