Mommy with a Bloggy {and 3 girls}

My change didn't come in the pretty wrapped up packet the way I wanted it too or the way I envisioned it.  I actually thought It didn't arrive and it left me feeling disappointed, angry and forgotten.  I wrestled with and continue to wrestle with my perceived disappointment by retreating and only showing up for the select few in my life. Truthfully I don't think the wrestling match is over, but I am growing and learning so much throughout this process.  Reading my blogs, it seems like I always come to a roadblock and end up falling, but the fact that I keep writing means I always get back up! As a family we were going to relocate to Johannesburg by the 1st December of  2013 as my husband accepted an offer from a very good International based company.  He had been walking a journey with them for 8 months and after 10 interviews, (Yes 10!)  the offers  were finally put on the table. Throughout this process my husband was exceptionally open and honest...

This morning I was bombarded with a heap of information from all directions! Right now I am personally facing a few challenges and sometimes I allow it to get to me.  I dislike loosing perspective and actually don't lose it too often.  but when I lose it, I lose it GOOD!  As human-beings we are always bombarded with stepping up our game, the next best thing, or having a clear blue-print.  It makes me feel extremely anxious and almost forces me to go to such an un-authentic part of myself just to get an answer to impress someone else!   In the quiet space I created for myself this morning a question popped into my head: "what if this was it, would I be satisfied with my life right now?"  I pondered for a bit and my answer was actually a BIG resounding YES!   This is my journey, my life and I am traveling it to the best of my authenticity, I might be going VERY slow and for me for now, it is very needed!  I never ever want to be in spa...

  Dear Tweens and Teenagers  Re: I apologise for my generation I know this blog entry will stir some heavy opinions so please don't carry on reading if you don't like Justin Bieber.  This is only for Beliebers and fans of Beliebers.  It was brought on by Justin Bieber's current Believe Tour in South Africa and the way I have seen my generation acting on Social Networking sites. I was embarrassed to be part of this generation, a generation who have become so old and cynical that they haven't even realised they are the old, cynical people now who are treating young people just the way their grandparents did and that swore they will never to become like that.  I fear WE HAVE BECOME LIKE THAT! And a generation that at times reminds me of the funny weird people who bashed Lady Gaga!  They all in the same box in my mind. I can get that we dislike pop music, I can get that we don't like the brand, I can get that we don't like the music or the s...

Two years today your life ended here on earth.   I remember vividly sitting around the table with a friend sewing party bags for Lexie-Grace’s birthday when I received the phone call.   I was stunned as I really didn’t think you were “that” ill. It’s been 2years, why can’t I think about you and not get a little chocked up?   You never preached at me, never gave me advice, never gave me a scripture verse, never professed to be my friend but yet you are one of the people who has impacted my life in such a significant way.   The reason I know this is that hardly a day   goes by without me thinking about you.     Last night I was doing the dishes, and I thought of you.  The other day I ate a piece of cake and thought of you. The other day Lilly whom you were so very excited to meet and never got the opportunity to, got me all frazzled by throwing yoghurt on the newly cleaned floor.   I thought to myself this is what you had wit...

Just a bit more than a week ago our church hosted a enrichment week-end called "Seeing  Beyond" which purpose was to facilitate the ignition of vision in the lives of us as individuals as well as the vision of the church in our own lives.  Considering the state of mind I found myself in for the past 20months I was rather shocked as to the fact that my being was a little excited about this week-end. So much so that we organized babysitting for our youngest for the first night.Seeing Beyond Now being in the ministry for 13 years  I have been to tons of conferences, encounters, camps whatever you choose to call it.  Most of them impacting my life in big ways.  But none of them have ever been as PROFOUNDLY impacting as this one week-end. At times I had a bit of an ego boost thinking to myself that God had orchestrated this whole week-end just for me as every single message that was shared hit my heart like a flaming sharp arrow.   Leaving...

About 2months ago I was asked to share at a ladies tea at our church about my journey from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom, all the challenges, realities and fears I experienced and went through.   Reluctant to do public speaking I thought about it and realised I have a story to share and if it helps one person well then it will be worth it.   (And the idea about getting out of the house and having other people look after my toddler was a strong motivator too ). It was a very small, casual relaxed environment and when we got introduced we got introduced as ladies who have gone through and identity crisis!!!   I felt my face and ears burn up as I was obviously blushing as I thought to myself;   “is my “screwed-upness” so evident?”.   We don't like thinking of ourselves in these type of ways. Immediately I felt a small quiet voice inside of me say: “it’s okay :”   There is a lot of power when we share the truth especially when it is about the ...

When I look into the eyes of this little precious creation I just see total peace.  Peace with every single thing and person around her.  There is no questioning her own worth and when I show her, her little face in the mirror a big smile lights up her face and she totally adores the little face staring back at her.  When I look at my two daughters and their total love for almost the whole Universe and everything in it, I wonder to myself when will their perceptions start getting warped?  When will the glasses they view the world through start getting tainted.?  I wonder to myself where did I loose it?  And I guess it is inevitable that one day they too will get hurt by a mean action or a mean word or two, that will leave them a little broken. In my opinion your relationship with yourself is one of the most important relationship you will have in your life.  No matter where you go in life you will never get rid of yourself and you will always take yo...